my tragic love story
with particle physics continues:
yet another day spent
devoting myself to
and complex integrals.
trying to push my bloated, thundering fingertips
through tiny gluon loops,
i find them suddenly life-sized and
draped all around me
like Christmas decorations.
bewildered, i can’t untangle myself.
i clumsily squeeze these
mathematical marvels into
misshapen boxes, calculations
that never seem to fit;
crushing the delicate curls
of the universe’s vibrant underworld.
I wrote this 14 months ago. I’ve only written a handful of poems over the last few years. I’d went through a crazy teenage poet phase and when I realised I was a crazy teenage poet – and not a genius wordsmith – I sort of gave up on writing.
I like this one, though. It maybe only makes sense if you’ve studied quantum field theory, but I think it conveys the frustration and creative aspects of trying to solve a physics problem. I’d really invested my whole heart into that physics nonsense.