F is for Feynman Diagrams

my tragic love story
with particle physics continues:
yet another day spent
devoting myself to
hypergeometric functions,
infinite sums
and complex integrals.

trying to push my bloated, thundering fingertips
through tiny gluon loops,
i find them suddenly life-sized and
draped all around me
like Christmas decorations.
bewildered, i can’t untangle myself.

i clumsily squeeze these
mathematical marvels into
misshapen boxes, calculations
that never seem to fit;
crushing the delicate curls
of the universe’s vibrant underworld.

I wrote this 14 months ago. I’ve only written a handful of poems over the last few years. I’d went through a crazy teenage poet phase and when I realised I was a crazy teenage poet – and not a genius wordsmith – I sort of gave up on writing.

I like this one, though. It maybe only makes sense if you’ve studied quantum field theory, but I think it conveys the frustration and creative aspects of trying to solve a physics problem. I’d really invested my whole heart into that physics nonsense.

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